Crystal Escobar
Emotions are just energy and all energy can be transformed. Today Sean and I talk about our anger. How we’ve been learning to channel that powerful energy into a constructive purpose.
Why we left the church and still almost a year and a half later, “can’t leave it alone”.
“Use that anger. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it.”
~ Maya Angelou
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“It was 2006 and my faith crisis was at its peak. I remember laying on my front room floor wishing the earth would swallow me up. It would be so much easier than walking this path of confusion. I knew life would never be the same again.
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When all is going well sometimes it’s easy to let go of the daily rituals and habits that have helped us so much in the past. 🧘♀️
It’s important to maintain consistency with all things health when it comes to mind, body, and soul. For example, you may have finally lost all the weight and now allow yourself to splurge on treats and junk food without realizing how often you’re doing it. Then before you know it, all your hard work has been in vain.
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Same goes with our mental and spiritual health. We may have made tremendous progress because of regular meditation, reading, and writing. We’re feeling great! Happy, content, and at peace with life. 💃🏼
Then something triggers you and you find yourself back where you started. 🙇🏼♀️
It’s okay to be a little less frequent when it comes to your healthy habits. You can slow down a little, but if you take your foot off the gas completely, eventually you’ll be at a stand still. You will have lost your momentum and may feel weak when the storms come.
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Repetition reinforces, so make sure you’re only repeating that which EMPOWERS!
Being consistent and persistent in your pursuits over a long period of time will reap beautiful rewards.
Determination to stick with something will eventually turn it into a habit which then requires less discipline to get yourself to do it. It becomes so much a part of your routine that you no longer deal with the internal war of deciding whether or not you are going to do it.
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For those moments you feel lost, alone, depressed and scared.
I want this episode to be one you can return to anytime you are triggered. One you can share with others who are fresh out and going through the most intense part of a faith transition, which in most cases, escalates into an existential crisis.
Suddenly you realize everything you once THOUGHT you knew to be true, is nothing more than a made up story. Like finding out Santa Clause is not real.
When you feel judged and misunderstood.
When you feel like you’re going crazy.
When you feel you’re the only one experiencing this.
When you desperately want all the answers to life’s questions.
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There is beauty in simplicity!
We all deal with overwhelm from time to time. But guess what?!
Feeling overwhelmed is a CHOICE! Let me share about my recent encounter with overwhelm, what I learned, and my plan moving forward.
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One thing I want to clarify from last weeks post on Facebook and Instagram when I shared how I’m becoming more authentic since leaving the LDS church. I’m not saying that Mormons aren’t authentic, I’m saying ME as a Mormon was not authentic.
Here’s why:
No longer do I feel forced to agree with something that doesn’t sit right with ME.
I was taught that I must follow and sustain the prophet no matter what.
I was taught that the prophet speaks for God, therefore would never lead us astray.
I was taught that obedience takes precedence over my own intuition.
So even as I was battling the different questions and doubts that came to my mind, I chalked it up to the influence of Satan.
Satan doesn’t want me to be happy.
Satan wants to deceive me.
Satan will feed me lies through my thoughts.
At the same time I’m told that I will be protected from Satan’s influence if I remain worthy of a temple recommend.
Follow the word of wisdom, attend church each week, partake of the sacrament and wear my sacred garments at all times. Magnify my callings, read my scriptures daily, and pray often.
I checked off ALL the boxes!
Dotted every “I” and crossed every “t”.
But still found myself consumed with confusion and internal torment.
If I had possession of the most TRUE book in the world, The Book of Mormon, then why wasn’t I resonating with any of it?
Why was I more drawn to books like, The Untethered Soul (Micheal Singer), Finding Your Own North Star (Martha Beck), and A New Earth (Eckhart Tolle)?
Conflicting beliefs would pop into my head, then I’d search the scriptures and pray my heart out trying to receive understanding for what was true and what was not. Nothing was making sense to me. I discovered contradiction after contradiction which only caused me to feel more confused. I never received clarity until I finally started allowing MYSELF to decide. Instead of looking outward I began looking inward. I let myself be FREE to believe what felt right to ME, not what the prophets and apostles were telling me I was SUPPOSED to believe.
As I began allowing myself to read books other than church approved books I noticed something happening inside me. My soul was coming alive, I was connecting deeply to everything I was reading, feeling more love, a greater understanding of my purpose, and a feeling of liberation and excitement for life.
I realized that I had been denying to true part of me, my inner being, my SOUL!
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